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Posting a picture of your differently hued boo might get you a lot of likes on Facebook, and walking hand-in-hand down the street flaunting your IRR to the world might seem like a contribution to change, but your relationship in and of itself does nothing to dismantle racist structures and systems.

Actually seeing reconciliation and change in broken spaces takes an active pursuit of justice, truth, and righteousness in areas of discrimination, racism, and inequality.

I’ve heard lots of Christian responses about IRRs being a “greater picture of God’s kingdom” because they demonstrate reconciliation and unity.

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They’re cute, funny, and sincere with similar interests and values. But for all the praise and comments my husband Vaughan and I have received throughout our relationship (he’s Black, and I’m a Korean American adoptee) about our future adorable biracial babies and how cool and progressive our relationship is, you would think we had achieved ultra-super-special dating status. Race is certainly a hot topic today, and it seems especially paramount to Millennials to prove how racist we are. I fully believe we are called to initiate, grow, and maintain healthy cross-cultural relationships, and that being part of the kingdom of God means experiencing more than just your little corner of it.

But I also know that sin has twisted all good things, and that even our good and godly intentions when dialoguing about race have a habit of missing the mark.

We tend to either reduce IRR stories, whether they are our own or others’, to a party trick (something to show off and exploit rather than understand and love), or we elevate them to a pedestal where we can worship and idolize them.

This is tremendously dishonoring and harmful to relationships that are already difficult—as all relationships are!

What if, instead of either reducing or elevating, we enter in and listen?

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