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It was my most precious possession, to be guarded at all costs — and the loss of it before marital bliss was possibly the most shameful thing that could possibly have happened to me. It's difficult to understand if you didn't grow up in the church, but the focus on purity before marriage is pervasive in many Christian circles that I didn't even question it. When I was 15, I signed the pledge to wait to have sex until marriage.

Yes, there was a physical piece of paper that I (along with several of my peers) signed at church youth group after a discussion about premarital abstinence.

Ignoring him or humiliating him by failing to give him the starring role, or any role, is the only way to cause real injury to a narcissist.

But we had both decided that we wanted to honor each other and honor our God, and so for us the sacrifice was worth it.

We were looking forward to sharing that intimacy once we were married.

I was tired of feeling like a black sheep or even a leper, always on the defensive and having to explain myself, so eventually I just stopped telling people about our decision altogether.

The sexual tension between my fiancé and I certainly didn't make keeping our lips apart or our hands off each other easy.




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